Self Love and Mindfulness: Happy Valentine’s Day

Becks Armstrong, Clarity Founder

With a passion for women’s health, Clarity Founder, Becks Armstrong has created and written unique programmes that included personalised guided visualisations, nutrition, exercise, acupuncture and doula services that have received nationwide recognition.

Here she talks to Sylk about reconnecting with our bodies and taking control of our own self love.

“98% of people masturbate and 2% of people are liars”

But is that really true?

You won’t go blind

There’s so much pressure to be everything to everyone these days, but quite often when talking to women I find that the last person they are looking after is themselves.  As we age, rates of women that masturbate steadily decline – and this may be for a number of reasons including medication, anxiety and not feeling good about yourself.

Having grown up in the 70’s I was given the absolute basics on anatomy and was told the stories of “you’ll get hairy palms” “good girls don’t touch themselves” or “you’ll go blind”. However, it was assumed that boys would masturbate and there were lots of stories of catching guys at it, but I can’t remember many, if any, stories about girls that masturbated – and certainly not any good girls!

I think we have been done a great disservice by not having some good old fashioned information about how it can be done, and that it’s totally ok, normal and lovely to give yourself some self love.

Let’s talk about the benefits

As a reminder some of the lovely benefits of giving yourself some love are:

  • Reduction in stress
  • Better sleep
  • An improved self-esteem and body image
  • It helps to relieve menstrual cramps and muscle tension
  • And strengthens the muscle tone in your pelvic and anal areas.

I have had to do some research of late on the reasons for low libdio and have talked to many, many women of their experience to get an understanding of not only what clinical research says but also what “real” ladies think about and do. What I’ve realised is that because we weren’t taught about “how” to masturbate (which can be different for different women) and were also shamed about the use of tools, lube and erotica (not necessarily porn) for helping us to orgasm we have absolutely been missing out and relying on others for our own pleasure.

“Don’t get me wrong, playing with a partner is great fun, but you can also have a great time looking after your own self care.”

So how do we “reconnect” to our bodies?

If you’ve never been someone that’s masturbated but would like to give it a try or it’s been a while and you would like a refresher here are some ideas for you to become aware of your body and your senses.

  1. Put your mobile phone on airport – you need to be allowed to concentrate on your feelings without getting notifications or other distractions
  2. If you’ve never used a tool then check out some of the interesting advancements in vibrators from women friendly shops like  Sh! Women’s Store
  3. LUBE! If there’s one thing I would highly recommend to women it’s the enjoyment of using lube to make it easy for your fingers or your tools or a partner to glide around.
  4. Audio books or podcasts for erotica to help you get in in the mood, if you’ve not tried them before why not treat yourself to something new
  5. If you’re struggling with low libido or low sexual desire you can try some of the sessions we have at Clarity to remind you of your sensations and what your body feels like which can help kick start the process.
  6. Take away any judgement, forget about time, having a goal use the session to really feel your body rather than focus on what you think you want
  7. Enjoy!

Not really wanting to masturbate alone?

One of the many benefits of the #metoo movement is that we are starting to ask for what we want and are lowering the shame around what our bodies look like and what we are “allowed” to do with our bodies. This is moving into the bedroom as well. If you struggle to orgasm by yourself then making sure you communicate with your partner and ensure that you also get to orgasm can make for a brave new world.

So, as Valentine’s Day is approaching why not take some time to romance yourself for a change?

If you’re struggling with low libido or low sexual desire why not use the 1 month full access voucher CFA-SYLK at Clarity and download the Clarity app to help you mindfully reconnect with your body, mind and senses.


Posted in Blog.